on the inside of love

In my last blog I wrote, “its not worth talking about things I like”. But then let’s give it a try for a change. I am just trying to talk about the most difficult topic so the one concerned needn’t get worked up if he doesn’t like something about it. When people generally talk to me about it I just tend to ignore them because I myself don’t know a reason why we are together. There’s no answer to why I love someone and no reason to it. People have made this word so commercialized that the word sounds filthy at times.
Everyone who knows us, including ourselves think we are exactly opposite. He an extrovert, a social animal, true he can talk about anything and can make you laugh. He says, he likes people who are extroverts, diplomats, intelligent and can flaunt it well. I wonder what he saw in me, I don’t have any of that in me. I am an introvert, don’t take me as shy because whenever I open my mouth I might be just sarcastic or blunt, I am terrible at socializing with people. In front of the crowd I would hardly talk, and if I do either I would sound like shit to them and some so happening people would even take me as “gawaar”. I would hardly talk about things I know cos I know people either fail to understand or they act as if they are attentive and you sound so interesting, I wonder how many of them actually get into their head what others talk, so I decide being shut. Nor that I enjoy extroverts, and my guy who claims so much to be an extrovert I wonder how much he talks about himself. He would talk about everything else but he would hardly open his real self. Somewhere I feel even like me he’s trying to fit in this crowd, the crowd we both might be hating at some point of time, just that we have chosen different ways for that.
We both might be selfish in some way and still we both wouldn’t think am I happy with other but rather we would be worried about is he/she happy with me?
I wouldn’t be able to write down what in gets inside me when I am with him. I can fall off to sleep with him without anything going in my mind, a peaceful sleep which I would be wanting since ages. I can talk, talk and talk more when he gets conscious about it. I smile when he gets irritated and then I would irritate him all the more. I can get drunk till the time I don’t throw up without worrying who would carry me home. But I would surely eat his mind next morning asking how embarrassed did he feel seeing me drunk like that? When he would hit on other girls I wouldn’t feel angry but I would feel bad more thinking he isn’t happy with me. And I am sure he would feel the same, the only thing is I don’t hit on other guys neither on girls.
This is getting all the more difficult to write, I generally take an hour or so to write something but this I have been trying from last three days. I don’t know what else about us, coming to think of it I don’t even want to know what’s between us, for all I know is that I love him, no matter what he does and no matter what I do in the outer world he would be still there.
Long back he once told me, that the problems we have now are like small barriers and then there would be one day, the big balloon day we cal it where the balloons refer to happiness. And so much like a fairy tale I would wait for that day to come, for all I know now is that I love him.

Some People

Some people would keep coming back to your life no matter how much you try to get rid of them. They are like leeches, which would suck out your blood and happiness at the same time. Amazing is, these people were never bothered about you when you were there for them, the leech in them gets alive the moment you leave them, earlier I presume both of them were sleeping. By both I mean they themselves and even the leech. And silly is, these people know I might never forgive them and still they would come back for no reason at all. Leeches doesn’t have a spine? The more they come to me the more I hate them. Why can’t I forgive them? Not that I don’t believe in forgiving people, I do I have another set of people whom I easily forgive, would talk about them in the second part the leeches need more of my attention. With them I get stubborn, and this stubbornness slowly turns into hatred as I said the more they come the more I hate them. On face I might pretend to ignore them, also acting polite at times, polite wit the sarcasm they fail to understand, they fail to see the real face inside me which would always abhor them. Yet another worst part of them is when they seek for forgiveness you might even feel that they are trying to oblige you in some way. Some people would never change. They would crib when they have things and crib more when the things are lost. I am not much of an identity discloser so I wouldn’t name them.

The other set of people I am going to talk about is exactly opposite to the first one, there is no feeling of hatred ness here. No matter how much I tend to ignore them at times, doesn’t matter the times I act indifferent to them, neither does it matter how many times I might tell them that I hate them nor that I would act as a perfect loving person. I would give a damn if the world shouts at me but I might cry when these people say something loudly, even when they might be right at their point. I might care for them at times and there would be even times when I wouldn't care. There aretimes when with them the strongest part inside might just seem like the weakest one, vulnerable too.All I know is I would be there for these people, if not physically then definately mentaly present and unlike the first set of people I would always forgive them cos I know these people would never come up seeking for my forgiveness if they hit me in the same way others did. I would have talked more about these people but writing more, disclosing their identities wouldn’t be worth doing, that I believe in a way would lose its effect. Things which I don’t like are much easier to talk.